One Crazy Year.

2016.

So many things happened, but above all, I'm grateful.

Last year, in the end of 2015, I felt already like 2016 is gonna be brutal. There will be so many things ahead that I gotta take care of. At that time, I was on my very comfort zone, where I most-likely wouldn't go down on challenges, but also couldn't progress anything better.

2016 started calmly as I managed myself to understand school subjects, while doing dota tournaments and having to pay attention to my gf. Actually it was a hard time but I'd rather enjoy it than showing some stress and complaining every little things.

But then things started to get complicated. I got rejected on SNMPTN (kind of a direct invitation to study on a public universities) which is a little bit weighting my mind too much, because that some of my cousin and friends were passing that shitty-thingy. So then I started to doubt myself if I can make it to the public universities through the written test remembering that I am still so far away behind my friends. But my mom was always pumping me up, telling me that I am great and I can do it, and I realized that mom and dad was working hard to support me all the way, so I should at least try to make it through on my own way.

And so, somehow as I have the will to study, everything became easier (probably). I started to understand the subjects so that I can use my time as efficient as possible. Well maybe I seemed cocky but that's the truth. My grade turned out great, leaving a big smile on my face. Although there were problems on my life, I tried to left it be at the time. I stood even those problems are soo annoying.

After months of struggling, I somehow managed to pass into 2 public universities and an administrative academy. I was very happy and confused at the same time. Indeed I can choose any of those as I like, but It was so stressful that each option has their plus and minus side. I argued with my father that he wants me to choose the nuclear engineering degree, but on the other side I prefer choosing Information Systems degree, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't pick the nuclear one. It was soo confusingg like hell. Aaaand after one hella month I decided to choose Information Systems as my study course, and continue to chase the dream I always have.

Me and my gf went to a different university as she choose the path as a vet. After some time, we broke up because of some reasons I don't want to put on this post. But one thing is that I want her to have somebody taking care of her in realtime, 24/7 and take action if something's happened. I am glad that now she has a new guy and I am freed of that kind of responsibility that took almost my whole time. In other words, I am free to play dota. Yay!

And later (or probably earlier) there was this girl that got me interested and curious. But after some time I realized that I couldn't chase her (I didn't make even a single move tho, lol) but the way I see her now is different than the way I see everyone before her, and that makes me more interested. I think it'd be nice if I can catch up with her, but I feel like it's better this way. I wish happiness is always upon you, because that makes me smile too, is what I feel. She became my inspiration and courage to do better, eventho I can only look her from these pixels.

And I finally feel what it's like to be a college student. It's so different from being a student tho, and I am glad that there's someone who perhaps will always be there for me in any situation in my college life. I always having difficulties adapting into a new environment, and thanks to my this someone that I can adapt pretty quickly, I think. One thing is that I'm lacking diligency, and that is a real bother. Hopefully I will get rid of it in 2017. Amen.

I really have so much to tell, but hey, it's the end of 2016. I am very sorry that I made mistakes upon this year, I did things that aren't really necessary, and I disappoint lots of people. Nonetheless, I am very grateful to have go through this year. It is a game changer for me, for a better me, and perhaps for better you. I am going to try harder in 2017, and show the world that I can, that I am one of the best, and that I am useful and helpful to others.

Hello, 2017.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Birukah langit disana?
Jika kau ingin tahu,
Langitku disini mengelabu tenang.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Semestaku berharap engkau mewarnainya.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Munajatku, aku ingin bertemu denganmu.
Tuhan pun membolehkannya sekali-sekali.
Tapi mataku pun tak kuat bertemu siluetmu.
Itu pun, kalau memang benar kamu.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Salahkah aku mengagumimu?
Salahkah aku mengagungimu?
Aku pun tak tahu.
Waktu pun tak kunjung menahanku.
Ia hanya berdetik, membuat ketukan untuk tarianmu dipikiranku.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Lupakan. Aku memang tak pandai berkata.
Aku tak rupawan, bukan juga jutawan.
Aku.. aku bukan anak kekinian, aku juga susah berteman.
Aku pun tidak melihat secercah harapan.
Mungkin memang aku hanya figuran.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Aku lelah memikirkanmu.
Terasa seperti membuang waktu.
Tak terasa sudah empat bulan berlalu
Semenjak kau terlukis di hatiku.
Hatiku tak berhenti menderu,
Sesaat pun tak mau membelenggu.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Anganku,
Akankah suatu saat engkau berbalik badan,
Tersenyum tepat ke arahku?
Atau cukupkah aku melihat punggungmu yang kecil itu?
Cukupkah aku melihatmu menerjang indahnya dunia di baris depan, menggilaimu wahai nahkoda sedangkan aku hanya terduduk
Di belakang
Sebagai
Penumpang
Pecundang?

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Rasa ini menyiksa,
Namun terkadang tersemat nikmat.
Apa yang harus kulakukan?
Melangkah saja aku tak bisa.
Aku terbingung.
Bahkan jika aku bisa berjalan,
Adakah kau di penghujung?
Bahkan jika kau ada,
Akankah indahmu untuk diriku?
Algoritma ini terasa lucu.
Seakan dunia tak berpihak kepadaku.

Untuk seseorang di dunia yang berbeda,
Mengapa harus engkau?